Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
