People in love make me want to vomit
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
