I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
