we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
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I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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