Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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