Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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