He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
