We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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