ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
