Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
