I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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