When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
