Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
What changed your mind?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.