Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.