I'm retarded. Again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.