one might say we're banned from that church
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
