He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!