I am in a vortex of obligation.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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