What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
