return my video game
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
