a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
