my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
