i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
