his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
