Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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