I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
