And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
