Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
