yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
