every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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