Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
