so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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