I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
