Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
