I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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