it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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