3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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