I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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