i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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