i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
