Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
