we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
