There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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