Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
