Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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