I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
