I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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