Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
