I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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