There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
