my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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