i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
