Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
