He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
