u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
