he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
