those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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