the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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