**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
