you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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