I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
