maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
