I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
