I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
