ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
