party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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