I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
