Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
