he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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